I Decided...Part 1

Lol...there is not part 2, but I jus wanted 2 say that cuz of the obvious lol.  But anyhoo...I decided. And I decided that I want him in mah life.  I jus can't be without him.  And I kno it sounds crazy for someone so young and all that he has put me thru. But, I guess that wen you kno...you kno.  And if anyone has ANYTHING to say about it. Well...they can talk 2 themselves, cuz I ain't hearing it.  Yes and I think needless 2 say, if he screws up again it WILL be it.  And I mean that with tha utmost. And I think he understands that better than anyone.  It didn't take long at all 4 him 2 change it around.  I definitely notice it.  And it's crazy cuz he's still where he is and I'm still here, but jus talkin 2 him, I can tell.  But, all I can do is w8 and see.  I think he gets it this time.  Cuz there was a point wen I was definitely like, "No, I'm done." I guess thas wat scared him ish-less.  And thas wen he went on that whole drinkin binge.  And even after that, I was kinda like I don't really want this anymore.  But, it came 2 me so clear one day.  I think listening to a Keri Hilson song, "Where Did He Go?" In the song she talks about how she made a mistake in letting him go and she had to deal with that decision years later and now she's missing him.  I didn't want that to be me.  I can't let that be me.  Cuz regardless of the bull.  I kno wat I felt and I kno wat was real.  I kno that our love was without a doubt, real! So, yea...I decided.  And even tho we're not technically together, he's still mah heart.  The very piece that completes me.  I love him...more than that simple 3 worded phrase cud ever express. He is mah all.

Umm...besides that. Still very much saved and in love with God...FIRST AND FOREMOST.  I think that the breakup allowed me to become much closer to Him.  I don't wanna leave him out of my life anymore.  Thas wen things start to go wrong.  But, yea...I definitely don't have the urge 2 jus WANNA go party and drink or wateva else.  I'm so very over that.  For those who party, more power to you.  Not knocking it for you, it jus ain't for me!

I'm in love with mah life right now.  Not very many ppl can say that.  Most are fronting like they are really happy, but they're hiding it with something else.  I can genuinely say that I am content with mah life.  With the homebody that I am and not needing anything else than wat I have! In a few more months, mah love will be able 2 move up here with me for good, I'm trusting and believing in God to make this happen in the music industry for me, and me and mah ma are closer than ever.  It's a great time 4 me.  And I kno that it will only continue to go up! yep!!

To BE...Mrs. Amillie.

Always and forever. Ain't no one takin that from me!

::sighs::

It's bout time for me 2 blog again..had 2 get these emotions out!

Soooo...update on the bf...or I mean ex.  It's still so hard saying that.  It feels wrong being single.  Not bcuz I don't like bein single or anything like that. I was a single girl 4 a WHILE and I loved it.  But, bcuz I didn't wanna be single.  I wanted us 4eva.  4eva...but I'm single and even tho its hard 2 say it...he is ex. So with that sed...I've talked 2 him three times since we've broken up.  The first time was the day after.  But, it hasn't even been like that.  His frenz had 2 call me so that I cud calm him down bcuz he was so drunk one day and actin crazy.  And mind you, he duz'n drink.  But, he was so drunk that he was talkin 2 me and kept sayin it wasn't me.  When he finally realized it was me I had 2 ask him wat his deal was cuz thas not him.  He told me he been drinkin ever since the day we broke up.  For a WEEK and a half! Okay...real mature way 2 go about this.  Suppose 2 be gettin  ur ish 2gether and this is how you do it?? He sed I was right and he was gonna do better.  Hopefully...and then I was txt'n him yesterday.  I jus miss him like crazy right now and I'm so proud that I didn't give in yet.

But on that note.  And I kno that mah fren means well but the thing that keeps irritating me is wen I tell her that I miss him and love him she'll say, "Well don't rush it, give yourself time...don't let love blind you."

????????

UGH!  I knoooo she means well, I do.  But, we've already had this discussion.  And if love was blinding me then I would STILL be with him.  And about giving it time? Well wat exactly is it that you think I'm doin right now.  I can't love him and miss him?? Duh...if I loved him and missed him while we were 2gether, how much more do you think I miss him now??? It's rly starting 2 irritate me bcuz ppl's opinions of wat I should do is more than I can handle.  It's like I already gotta think about mah decision and then on top of that I have 2 worry about YOU and wat you think I shud do.  And I guess wat makes me so mad about her sayin that everytime is that I KNO wat she thinks I shud do.  Everyone is so set on me jus sayin I'm not gonna be with him.  WHY??? It is not ur relationship and it is NOT you who was hurt.  If I, myself am thinking about what I should or shouldn't do then you should be thinking the same.  Actually you shouldn't be thinkin about it at all cuz it is not you or your relationship or your life.  I never try 2 make decisions for mah frenz. NEVER..why do they always seem 2 want 2 regulate mine? 

I shud'n say they...I guess I'm jus venting right now.

::sighs::

Sorry...well on a better note. I am now officially a part of GOODLIFE CO.  Still tryna figure out if I wanna do the whole singer/ songwriter thing or jus the songwriter thing.  I dunno.  I went in it thinkin that I JUS wanna write.  But I keep leaning to doing both.  We'll see wat God has 4 me.  I'm jus so excited.  Can't wait until I record this song I wrote the other day.  It's a banger.  Swear it...lol!

Well...thas it I guess!

{to be or not to be....Mrs. Amillie???}