No More Confusion...

So this is where I'm @...umm. I guess having this whole long distance relationship thing, I get a lil lonely. Obviously. I mean I can go out with mah girls but there is nothing like having tha company of someone from tha opposite sex. And I love Free! And tha only person I eva wanna be with is him, but since our situations don't allow us that wen we wud like, I'm left...alone. Now...I still have a lot of bad girl tendencies. As much as I wud like 2 say I've passed that one...yea...not so much. I end up putting mahself in situations around other guys that I know I shud'n be around. Like a 1st love ex...or a guy that states everytime he sees me that he wants to be with me. I kno...silly girl, I am. I'm sorry...I get bored. =( Not excusable, I kno...but it's tha truth. I mean....I didn't go all tha way with 1st love ex...but...well...he did. ;-) BAD GIRL! ::sighs:: Needless 2 say...I WILL NOT be goin around him anymore. Cuz, he's a lot stronger than me...and Lord knows I don't need any more of that. Wellllll...ok. No, I don't. LOL

Then there's...P. Weed {this name is f'n hilarious 2 me, but it fits him so much}. But, he like really wants 2 wife me. Like, I met this dude at a club like over two years ago. And at first he seemed like he wud be different, you kno? So, I thot that wud go somewhere. very obviously, it didn't. Cuz he's a dumb boy...and boys will be--well...boys! But he started acting different. {guess he got a girl...which wasn't a big thing 2 me cuz then I started back with Arkansas {ugh...can't stand this boy...beside tha point tho lol}. But, now I'm like all in love and he'll see mah status updates that I write about mah baby and then all of a sudden you wanna come back around??? Well, at first I wasn't giving him tha time of day. But, then mah sill a** decided I wanted 2 have a best guy fren???? I kno, right? But, I don't kno how I thot this wud work since he's never expressed a desire 4 frenship with me...once! It's always, "F ur man! U need 2 get wit me.." or somwhere along those lines! But, one VERY DRUNK NIGHT..I kissed him @ tha club. I felt terrible, but duh!!! I blamed it on tha alcohol...and nooooo I did not tell Free. U think I'm crazy? lol...but this Friday...I went 2 see him and we jus talked 4 a while and then...well..we kissed again. I never go 2 far...well I guess wat I did with 1st love ex was a lil far {well..wat he did 2 me}! But, honestly...I feel terrible.

I will NEVER tell Free about this...I jus can't. I needed 2 get that out tho. I don't think I even told Wifey...cuz she will kill me. LOL! I guess she'll know now, huh?

Well...very needless 2 say...I'm content now. I chose 2 be in a long distance relationship and thas how it's gonna be until he moves up here for good. Goodness I can't w8...this is harder than I thot...lol ;-) But, I love Free and no one will change that...So. I am no longer confused. I'm good...no more bad girl ways.

PROMISE!!

~Mrs. Amillie~