Lighten up...pleez!

Some ppl dnt kno how 2 take things 4 wat they are.  If you happen 2 write sumthing about YOUR life and how ur tryna make YOURSELF better, they take it personally.  I honestly don't get that at all...wateva.  I have enuff goin on in my life than 2 sit up and make sure that wat I say duz'n offend this person or that person.  It's tiring.  

Wateva...

I'm currently single.  Not sure if we'll get back 2gether cuz tha decision is ultimately mine 2 make.  I love him...so very much.  He is tha only guy I've eva loved in this way...but he's gotta get it 2getha.  Maybe I do too...and thas wat tha purpose of this break-up is.  To give myself time 2 think and hopefully it'll give him time 2 mature.  He says that he's gonna prove it 2 me...get his ish 2getha.  One can only hope, right?

Anyway...I'm still saved...I think that if I hadn't rededicated my life back 2 God that Sunday, then this jus wud'a been so much harder 2 deal with.  I think I wud have literally been depressed.  I'm goin out wit tha wifey on her b-day.  This will be interesting seeing as I'm not gonna drink and we really don't even party like that anymore...so...we'll see.  I kno I'll have fun...I jus don't kno how it is 2 be around my frenz wen they're drunk and I'm not lol.  

I think all in all...I see a lot of growth in myself.  I learned not 2 tell everybody everything.  I learned not 2 sit up and baby everyone...cuz I'm not AlWAYS in tha wrong...I'm learning that I'm the most important person in mah life.  I do a lot for everyone and sumtimes 4get about myself.  I think this break-up cud'n have come at a better time.  And don't get me wrong. I'm sadder than that thang right now.  I'll prolly cry everyday 4 tha next month {thas tha deadline I'm giving myself} and I'll miss him like crazy....but it's wat I gotta do.  It jus it...gotta look out 4 Cristal.  Love is...on tha back burner right now.  Not tha most important thing so...thas it.  

Take it 4 wat it is....or don't.  Either way...I'ma be me!

Cristal

{to be...or not 2 be--Mrs. Amillie???}

A New Me!

I suddenly realized that mah life was headed in a wrong direction.  And it's a sad realization, but I came 2 it none the less.  Partying, drinkin and wateva else.  And I've wanted 2 change...jus didn't wanna give it up.  Wateva "it" is....But on Sunday @ church...it jus hit me.  The message was 2 me!  I've changed.  And it's not 4 tha better.  Not one bit.  Partying is fun.  Drinkin is fun.  But it's tha same thing.  Fun for a moment and then I'm wondering tha nxt day why I did it.  I had 2 realize there was something more than jus having fun FOR THA MOMENT!!  Wat about where I go after i leave here?? Wat kind of impression or legacy am I leaving? A girl who parties and drinks simply 2 feel good 4 tha moment.  Wats that about?? Not much at all.  I gotta be a role model.  Gotta do something different.  Cuz trust and believe there are a billion and one more girls AND guys out there doin tha exact same thing.  And wat exactly duz that say about me??? That i'm follower.  I sit and think all tha time about how me and mah frenz wud go out and have way more fun wen we didn't even have one drop of liquor.  And now it seems like thas needed in order 2 have a good time.  It's so pointless cuz there's always words spoken that you didn't mean or something dumb that happens and you gotta apologize for it l8r on.  It's jus not cool.  

I'm jus sick of tha repetition.  There's gotta be something more 2 life.  Never mind tha fact that I'm getting older.  And I kno some will say, "We're young...we're having fun." But, there have been ppl in mah life that are tha same age as me and gone from here. It's not like they lived a hard life in tha streets...jus regular kids like me! And they're gone.  That cud have jus as easily been me.  And I kno 4 a fact that I wud not have gone 2 Heaven.  No matter how much church I went 2 or dancing 4 tha praise dance team, singing in tha choir...I kno I wud'n have went.  Bcuz...I wasn't living tha life of a Christian.  Or shud I say "living Christ-like" cuz everybody's a Christian now-a-days.  

There comes a point where there's GOTTA BE a separation.  And it may get lonely.  As of right now I can't say bcuz I haven't gotten that far, but I kno it'll get hard.  Frenz may not call me as much bcuz they think I'll be different or no fun.  But, thas sometimes wat it comes down 2.  Hopefully mah frenz aren't that way and will be supportive and not get mad cuz I don't wanna drink. Hopefully they'll say I'm taking tha grown-up approach 2 life.  And maybe they'll follow suit...maybe.  All I can speak 4 is me and that Cristal from Saturday is not tha Cristal I wish 2 be anymore.  I'm a new me! And I'm loving every minute of it.